Prozac Nation . . . Well, sort of . . .

Maybe in the past being on anti-depressants may have been an embaressing piece of information, but not anymore. After hearing numerous friends tout the effectiveness of their anti-depressant favor of the month, I decided toas k my doctor for something to help me feel more like myself. When I asked, I still did so with a wince. I squinted y eyes and lifted my shoulders because I still felt a tinge of apprehension and weakness because I needed something to make me feel human again. I can still remember my dad and mom discussing the fact that my Aunt MAry Alice needed "something" to get through the day. They talked about in whispered tones I still remember - even though it was almost 30 years ago. Never mind that my uncle Frank, Mary Alice's husband, had died and left her to raise four children -all of them teenager's- by herself. I guess my family considered her weak for needed a pill to feel better. I guess carry that shame - and feeling of weakness - for needing something for myself.

However, after two weeks on Lexapro, I could care less if I am weak. I feel really good again. I am optimistic and I feel like the old me. I can't wait to get up everyday and I have more energy than ever. It's too bad that Aunt Mary Alice did not feel she could shout from the rafters that she needed a little help to get through life. After her kids graduated from high school, my aunt took a gun and shot herself one morning. It's too bad that she did not feel accepted for asking for a little bit of help.

Ah, Christmas . . .

To say that it is wonderful to be out of school for two weeks would be an understatement. I am ecstatic! I am so far behind on Christmas shopping that I have plenty to keep me busy for the next week - along with getting ready for the second semester of school. I am starting over with a new syllabus and new rules and new ideas of how to handle things. I am also on Lexapro so maybe I wil be a little more mellow and be able to sleep at night. I am also starting the obligatory diet on January 1st (a Monday, imagine that!), so I will feel healthier and well rested - hopefully.

The last day of school made me happy to be a teacher. I got several cards and secret santa-grams from my students. I also received hugs and "I love you's" from even the most troublesome of my students. Along with a party at the end of the day with some of the other teachers - where several shots of tequilia were involved, I felt I was a part of a growing community. A community brought together by both a love for kids and a sense of astonishment at how some of the kids make it in life. It is always good to know that you are not out there alone.

On a lighter note, I have a new and unwanted nickname at school. Instead of Ms. Taylor, the kids call me "Ms. Tater-Tot." I told them I was offended because I pictured a small round brown object, but they insist it is a term of endearment: "I call my favorite uncle Tater instead of Todd," they say. I will hate it when the kids I despise say it to me.

I am also putting together some ideas for a book about "What they don't tell you in your education classes." So many first year teachers have no idea what to expect their first year and since I kept a journal, I may like to put it together with some funny stories. Nothing like Logan's self-published book Kirsten.