It's The Most Wonderful Time

I started this post several times but I kept erasing it because I could not find the right thoughts to put down. I felt that I had depressed everyone with my musings on death, so I wanted to talk about something different. I could have talked about my relentless pursuit of the xbox 360, and how maddening it was to keep missing out on the hottest gift this Christmas. I woke up at 7am each morning, threw on a baseball cap and sneakers and went to Wal-Mart and Circuit City, and then before I went to bed at night, I got out and repeated my trip to the stores, hoping that the person at the desk would say, "Boy are you lucky. We just got a shipment in." I would gladly write out a check, stuff the xbox in my car and plan on ways to keep it hidden from my boys. It would be my Christmas gift to myself to have pulled off the impossible and made two kids very happy. It was not meant to be that way. Instead, I woke up one morning, sad and depressed and feeling like a failure, only to stumble along a premium xbox 360 package at WalMart.com. I could not click the "checkout" button fast enough. It was, as Kirsten would say, "a Christmas miracle." It was not until I had to confirm the order that I realized this "premium" package was over 1000 dollars. I did not care: I bought it anyway.

The next morning, I slept late. No early morning trek to Wal-Mart hell, so I sat at my computer and out of habit, I checked to see if Circuit City had any 360's in stock, and yes, they did, and at half the price. The only problem was that I had to call and order it over the phone and Reese just happened to overhear my order. I lost the element of surprise I love so much. There would be no "Oh my gosh" upon seeing the presents under the tree on Christmas morning. I thought I could work it out later. The next day, I told the kids that Circuit City called and said there had been a mistake and they could not send out the xbox 360, but would be happy to send us a regular xbox. They are so gullible! Sad faces abounded for the rest of the day. I had the advantage back.

I cancelled the order at walmart and waited for the order from circuit city. I convinced the kids that after Christmas we would get them an xbox 360. I went shopping and when I finished I stopped at my mom's to see my brother. Everyone kept mouthing something to me and pointing to the spare bedroom, but I had no clue of what they were talking about. I went into the kitchen with my mom and she said, "The UPS guy took the xbox to your house and the kids saw it. It is all in the guest room. Reese called me and said 'Please come get it Granny so mama will not know we saw it. She will be disappointed if she knows she can't surprise us.'" She had tears in her eyes when she told me, and at first I did not understand why, but then I thought about the fact that they had not said one word to me about their "surprise." There was no cheers of triumph or "can we play it now since we already saw it?" Three little people cared about dissapointing me more than they cared about their own fun times. I can't say that, as an adult, I always do that. I have no doubt that they would never have told me they already knew what they were getting. So, I got my own little surprise for Christmas. In a world that has commercialized the holiday season, and I am just as guilty of this, you can still find a moment of selflessness. I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, I am doing an ok job. That I am not failing at the most important task I have been given: to not completely screw up the lives of three beautiful individuals. It was a gift that cannot be wrapped up in paper, or bought in a store, and it will be the best gift I receive this year.