"Each child is living the only life he has - the only one he will ever have. The least we can do is not diminish it." Bill Page
It seems strange to me that I am quoting a man who is an educator, and not a writer. In fact, I know very little about Bill Page, but lately I have found myself interested in what people like him have to say. I spent last night creating a wish list on Amazon that was not filled with novels, but rather books about educating high school students. Instead of the "Book Lovers List" I used to have, my list is now named the "Future Teachers Survival Pack." That is quite a change for me; someone who hates education classes and all of those in them.
I have been spending quite a bit of time in the classroom this week observing the way a high-school class operates. I have to admit, that on some days, I am extraordinarily excited about teaching, but on other days, I feel completely inadequate and unprepared. Yesterday, the class played a game of Jeopardy!, and they seemed to enjoy it. Several of the kids are very funny, and I have trouble pretending that I am not listening to them, but during the game, they told me that I had to be on their team. I laughed and refused, "It wouldn't be fair," I said, "They answered the same questions in the first block so I already know the answers." They laughed and I laughed, and one of the boys on the other team mocked my laugh. I felt the familiar sting of tears behind my eyes and a lump swell in my throat. For him, it was meaningless. I am sure he meant no real harm, but to me, the emotional reaction that I felt, said, "They will eat you alive. You are not tough enough."
In my old high school, the teachers there never sought to make a difference. The only way they touched me was in pinching my shoulder when I turned around, or tapping me on the head when I was talking. I have no memories of them reaching out to me and showing me what I could do well, or trying to engage me in any real conversation about life. I think what scare me the most is that I too will be ineffectual. The life that these kids live - the only life they will live - will be diminished by me in some way, and in turn, my life will somehow be diminished. Either would be tragic.
5 comments:
it is so funny that you wrote about this today... the very day I drove by my old high school and thought about all the wonderful teachers that made a difference... they were all English Teachers... and I remember thinking "wow I wonder if they knew me today if they would be proud or not." I learned so much from them... not just about books, or grammer, but about life. I'm sure that is cliche. They taught me how to stand up for myself... one of my proudest HS accomplishments is getting up the guts to talk in front of everyone in a school board meeting when they banned several of our AP English books because they "had bad words in them" I guess I am just being random... but I think you already are a great teacher... because you already care and that makes all the difference in the world.
That is such a nice comment Kari. Thanks for the encouragement! Maybe one day, I can teach your beautiful little boy the beauty of grammer.
I'm sorry that little, idiot kid mocked your laugh. You have a lovely laugh. I know he didn't mean it in a cruel way, but I too would have cried.
Like Kari, the only teachers I remember from high school (and the only teachers who made an impact on my life) were English teachers. Don't go into the classroom thinking you will change everyone's life. Be content that you will pass on your love of english and literature to a select few, those will be the smart ones who will probably come back and thank you for it later.
Alicia, I know you will be one of those teachers that kids come back and visit years later. I mean, I visit your blog every day!!! Seriously, you are compassionate, intelligent, sarcastic, and funny. I know you will be a fantastic teacher.
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